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by bowiesnippleantennae



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Canon, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-25
Updated: 2012-03-25
Packaged: 2017-11-02 12:44:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/369104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bowiesnippleantennae/pseuds/bowiesnippleantennae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>3 years is a long time to wait for a date but you think it's worth it.</p>
            </blockquote>





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A year's a long time to be anywhere. Especially when it's on a ship with 5 tiny planets and two of your friends who are not how they were the last time it was your birthday. Sure, there's enough to do and there's always a new salamander to meet and blow bubbles with but you feel antsy and there are people you wish you could talk to, things you wish you could do but you can't because you're on a more important mission and they can handle themselves, Jade always reminds you. You're running out of things to alchemize and good thing because it's getting boring, anyway. Nanasprite and Jaspersprite bake a lot but you will have none of that, no matter how bored you are or how itching for something new you feel in your being. 

Jade brings you back from your own medium which you had spent most of your day wondering around your house and just trying to feel the nostalgia. The black grease obscures it and only brings back the horrors of entering the game and violence and you miss your dad. Because there is nothing else for you to do and your hands need work, you start to clear away the black liquid that's still, even after a year of being stuck to the walls and floors and furniture of your house, slick under your fingers. You wipe off picture frames and look at each fondly for long moments before moving on to something else. 

This time of year brings back a lot of memories and most of them are not wanted. 

To distract yourself, you make the conversations you do have about other people. Mostly just Jade and Dave because they're the only ones who you can have conversations with that have nothing to do with water and bubbles and dancing. Dave will rap for you and joke with you and Jade will calm you with stories of her past and you wonder if it hurts her to dredge up those memories as much as it is for you and your past. She tells you that it doesn't bother her much because she knows that that is all in the past and it feels better to be happy you were able to go through those things than be upset that you can't ever experience them again. You can agree with that but it doesn't seem that easy as she makes it sound. 

Still, you try to look on the bright side because you are John Egbert and that is what you do and it works for most of the time but when certain subjects are brought up, you have a hard time smiling and being the positive palhoncho everyone expects you to be. Everyone? Well, those who are around to witness it... and that is the subject that really gets to you. Everyone else who you haven't seen or heard from for a year. You knew it would be like this but you weren't emotionally prepared. You miss Rose and her snarky way of talking with everyone and you wonder what your timeline Dave is up to and if he is playing nice with the trolls. 

The trolls.

You only know two of them well and you wouldn't mind seeing how they are coping on the meteor and if they are happy and safe. You wonder what it will be like when you finally get to meet them in person. Is Karkat as harsh in person as he is over trollian and what is Vriska up to? Is she keeping herself occupied with her friends? Is she doing better and is she ready for that date you are so ready to go on with her? You hope she hasn't forgotten. She probably hasn't. Maybe. You hope. You want to ask Jade what she thinks, but when you try to bring her up in conversation you suddenly feel really insecure and vulnerable like no one else should know about the kind of relationship the two of you have. 

There are a lot of reasons to not like Vriska. Things might be a lot better off if she didn't interfere so much. You've thought about it a lot in the past. You've had a lot of time to think. If you weren't put to sleep, if she didn't try to slink her spidery fingers into everyone else's business and manipulate everything for the "greater good," things might be better. Only might. How would you have gotten to god tier if it wasn't for her? Your friends were able to get to god tier without her help but everyone does things a certain way and ugh this is when you stop thinking about it because then it gets too complicated and that is not how you work. Everyone else can do the complicated thinking. You just move the wind. 

You wonder if Vriska likes wind. You should add that to the list of things to ask her when you two finally meet. Just two more years. You wonder if she will be taller than you. If she will have the same obsession with spiders and blue and still like you. Sure, people can change a lot in three years but you figure this game keeps everyone together. It makes everything so much more precious to you and even though it seems like so long ago-- it was so long ago-- you still wouldn't mind hanging out with her and showing her how humans court. Yeah, that sounds really nice. You make a list of things to show her when you take her out on that human date she hopefully still wants to go on. You make a lot of lists. You make lists like trolls make piles. These two things are probably done for the same reason, to keep insanity at bay. To ward off the boredom and the monotony of doing the same thing every day, waiting and waiting for the big moment to happen even if it seems like forever. 

You remember when the front yard seemed so big to you when you were young. Dad wouldn't let you play out there by yourself but it was like this wilderness calling to you. The yellow yard is no different. So strange and vast and alien to you. Except you'll never grow old enough to play on it by yourself. You are held to the ship with Jade and Dave and there is no way you will ever get to experience it any other way.

Do any of your other friends think about this? You play with the idea of asking them about it but you think that conversation would either get out of your control or they would just blow it off like you are some dumb creature with no sense of anything. Just a shell of a leader because you're not really calling the shots, are you? Everyone else knows what's going on and are making the plans and you're just at the whim of it all. Even Vriska trapped you in her net and used you for the game. You want to hold it against her but you can't. She's suffered a lot, you've suffered a lot. Everyone has. You don't want to add to that. Making things happier for everyone seems like an easy enough job that you can handle. 

So you spend your days trying to make things cheerier for everyone and build up your happiness so that when the time comes and you meet up with the meteor, you will be able to share that happiness with everyone and even Vriska will have a share of it and maybe she won't feel like she's the bad guy, anymore.


End file.
